This is part two of my series where I am rewriting the same paragraph everyday to see if it gets better.
“The orc customer droned on. Vlad had stopped listening about the time the orc had said, “This is inexcusable!” but from what was forced upon his brain by his ears he gathered that the customer had purchased on of Gunther’s Bargain Enchanted Swords (Now Just 10 GP!), the remnants of which now laid before Vlad on the long slab of oak which served as Gunther’s counter. With many a blood oath, as was orcish custom, the customer swore he would have his refund or his revenge. He could not believe that a big time adventurer such as himself was being treated this way. How would the town magistrate (a close personal friend!) react when he found out that the hero who had saved the town from the curly werewolf was being treated in such a shameful way? Vlad seemed to recall the curly werewolf had been Hilda von Dildha’s imported pet poodle which meant the customer was probably the orc being sued that Vlad had heard about in all the local tavern songs but even if he had been Lothar Big-Hand himself it would not have changed the young man’s response. Gunther’s store policy was no refunds and Gunther’s policy was backed by Gunther’s Guarantee, which was the name of the war hammer strapped to his bosses back.”
I am not sure this is better but since I am in the early stage of rewriting I think it is ok for it to be worse.
Electric Absalom 